On tech support: A short rant

Reynard Struan · 03-05-2007, 01:26 AM

Things that piss me off about tech support

Anti-Norton Virus: If you're voluntarily installing viruses on your computer, you don't deserve to have one

Norris Anti-Virus: If you're using antivirus software that doesn't exist, you deserve to get every virus ever written, from rtm's original worm right on down to the present.

"The Page": There are many pages on the internet, jerkoff. Be more specific.

Misuse of the word "Server": Describing anything that is not a server as a server should be punishable by death, sentencing to be carried out immediately. Extra cruel and painful forms of execution may be employed on offenders who refer to any email client or web browser as a server

Misuse of the word "site": Describing anything other than a web site--especially a Windows login--as "my site" is now hereby declared a felony punishable by a maximum term of consecutive life sentences in a federal detention facility

Misuse of the phrase "Hard drive": If you are plugging your keyboard and mouse into your "hard drive," please electrocute yourself. Now.

Pogo: **** off, Granny. I don't care if you can't play flash games. Find some other entertainment while you wait for the cold, clammy embrace of death. I hear knitting was popular back in the middle ages when you were actaully young.

Internet Explorer 7: Stupid people already type addresses into their spyware search bar instead of the address bar without removing the "address" label so that it's impossible to describe to this 75-year-old geezer where to type "www.google.com;" Way to hide all of the buttons except "back" and "forward" as well as the menus (File, Edit, etc). **** you, Microsoft. **** you hard with a red hot soldering iron.

Wireless Routers: Why the hell do people call their ISP to set up a no-name wireless router dredged out of a bargain bin in Slovakia? How am I supposed to know how to fix that?

People who call their ISP for non-internet ****: No, I am not here to help you adjust the settings on your monitor, or change the color of the text in Word. You know what? If you call the police for a non-police issue, you go to jail. Maybe you should go to jail and ask about your retarded ****. I'm sure the guys in jail give a ****.

People who chew too loud: OK, so that's not really something that pisses me off about tech support per se, but I'm still building that forced-labour camp on Baffin Island.

People who repeat every instruction back to me in question form:
Me: Click on Start.
Cx: You want me to click on Start?
Me: No. I want you to click on a beehive. With your genitals.

Business owners: I'm certain that business owners in Ontario are required by law to provide documented evidence that their parents were never married. No, I will not refund the $25,000 in lost income because your cat hit the standby button on the modem 3 days ago and you were too stupid to call us at the time. If you want someone who gives a **** about your business, get a business account.

Necro · 03-05-2007, 01:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reynard Struan

People who repeat every instruction back to me in question form:
Me: Click on Start.
Cx: You want me to click on Start?
Me: No. I want you to click on a beehive. With your genitals.
.

LOL

XxVivixX · 03-05-2007, 01:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reynard Struan

People who chew too loud: OK, so that's not really something that pisses me off about tech support per se, but I'm still building that forced-labour camp on Baffin Island.
.

let me know when that camp is ready, i have a couple friends that need it.

The Man · 03-05-2007, 01:47 AM

So glad I don't work in tech support

The Dude · 03-05-2007, 02:57 AM

I always wondered how the hell the service industry is responsible for those who work in it to develop a hobbesian view on life. Now I know.

Necro · 03-05-2007, 03:28 AM

I know it's not their fault, but I tend to hate the Asian technical support people. They make no sense whatsoever and piss me off for the 2 hour+ they have me on the phone to sort out something to do with a account error -- which happens to be a fault by them in the first place >:C

YopY · 03-05-2007, 05:10 AM

rofflez.

I had to call tech support for my modem once, I was redirected to a service center in Britain or someting (who knows, might've been India for all I know), had to wait like ten minutes, then got someone on the line who led me through a process that fixxxed the problem <3. Had to change some settings I myself wouldn't have a clue about, which solved it.

Etheon · 03-05-2007, 08:50 AM

Meh, tech support is necessary to our society. Someone has to take the blame for bad software and faulty hardware.

Kionae · 03-05-2007, 11:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reynard Struan

Wireless Routers: Why the hell do people call their ISP to set up a no-name wireless router dredged out of a bargain bin in Slovakia? How am I supposed to know how to fix that?

Blame eBay... Do you have any idea how long it too me to set up the wireless router I got for $5 for my Wii? Some people just aren't as patient as I am... XD

Jak · 03-05-2007, 11:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by .aistx

I know it's not their fault, but I tend to hate the Asian technical support people. They make no sense whatsoever and piss me off for the 2 hour+ they have me on the phone to sort out something to do with a account error -- which happens to be a fault by them in the first place >:C

I think they are trained in the art of chatting bull****tery, just to get ur munnies.

Reynard Struan · 03-05-2007, 04:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kionae

Blame eBay... Do you have any idea how long it too me to set up the wireless router I got for $5 for my Wii? Some people just aren't as patient as I am... XD

Not my problem.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jak

I think they are trained in the art of chatting bull****tery, just to get ur munnies.

I am not merely a bull**** artist, I am a bull**** engineer. However, it does not cost money to call ISP tech.

Trav · 03-05-2007, 06:29 PM

Quote:

Wireless Routers

Those two words in the same sentence are stupid enough. Wireless is totally bollox, it's a concept with no concrete implementation. No suprise that business, military, government all use wire connection. Wireless is for Apple fags.

Dave · 03-05-2007, 06:36 PM

I'm smarter than the majority of Tech Support so I've never really called them, but I've had most of those questions asked to me before, and I also share a hate on for people who are totally computer illiterate...

Its like people not bothering to learn how to read after the Renaissance, get with the ****ing times.

Reynard Struan · 03-06-2007, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dave

people who are totally computer illiterate...

Its like people not bothering to learn how to read after the Renaissance, get with the ****ing times.

"What OS are you running?"
"Dur?"
"What version of Windows?"
"Microsoft Word."
*gunshot to the face*

Necro · 03-06-2007, 03:43 PM

Even people who do know the name of their OS, seems to say it in a seriously disturbing tone =\

The Man · 03-06-2007, 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reynard Struan

"What OS are you running?"
"Dur?"
"What version of Windows?"
"Microsoft Word."
*gunshot to the face*

Poor Bleys

I don’t think any of us here can even begin to imagine the horrors he’s been subjected to whilst working in tech support

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Tech Support R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!

Etheon · 03-06-2007, 08:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Man

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Tech Support R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!

That sums it pretty well.

Dionysus_PSI · 03-06-2007, 08:52 PM

I'm SO glad I don't work in tech support. I get enough of it working as a Technition/Electrician, and it drives me nuts. TOO MANY People are STUPID, without the ability to either pickup on simple things or to gives a **** to understand stuff (and then believe they do understand it).

*sigh* C'est la vie.

Cheers,
Dion.

Reynard Struan · 03-07-2007, 04:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Man

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Tech Support R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!

Ia! Ia! Cthulhu Tech Support fhtagn!

YopY · 03-07-2007, 10:48 AM

Guess I'm lucky then. Everyone I know knows what OS they have ^_^.

03-05-2007, 01:26 AM	#1 (permalink)
Reynard Struan Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Moncton, New Brunswick Age: 28 Posts: 75 Rep Power: 4	On tech support: A short rant Things that piss me off about tech support Anti-Norton Virus: If you're voluntarily installing viruses on your computer, you don't deserve to have one Norris Anti-Virus: If you're using antivirus software that doesn't exist, you deserve to get every virus ever written, from rtm's original worm right on down to the present. "The Page": There are many pages on the internet, jerkoff. Be more specific. Misuse of the word "Server": Describing anything that is not a server as a server should be punishable by death, sentencing to be carried out immediately. Extra cruel and painful forms of execution may be employed on offenders who refer to any email client or web browser as a server Misuse of the word "site": Describing anything other than a web site--especially a Windows login--as "my site" is now hereby declared a felony punishable by a maximum term of consecutive life sentences in a federal detention facility Misuse of the phrase "Hard drive": If you are plugging your keyboard and mouse into your "hard drive," please electrocute yourself. Now. Pogo: ** off, Granny. I don't care if you can't play flash games. Find some other entertainment while you wait for the cold, clammy embrace of death. I hear knitting was popular back in the middle ages when you were actaully young. Internet Explorer 7: Stupid people already type addresses into their spyware search bar instead of the address bar without removing the "address" label so that it's impossible to describe to this 75-year-old geezer where to type "www.google.com;" Way to hide all of the buttons except "back" and "forward" as well as the menus (File, Edit, etc). you, Microsoft. you hard with a red hot soldering iron. Wireless Routers*: Why the hell* do people call their ISP to set up a no-name wireless router dredged out of a bargain bin in Slovakia? How am I supposed to know how to fix that? People who call their ISP for non-internet ***: No, I am not here to help you adjust the settings on your monitor, or change the color of the text in Word. You know what? If you call the police for a non-police issue, you go to jail. Maybe you should go to jail* and ask about your retarded ***. I'm sure the guys in jail* give a **. People who chew too loud*: OK, so that's not really something that pisses me off about tech support* per se, but I'm still building that forced-labour camp on Baffin Island. People who repeat every instruction back to me in question form: Me: Click on Start. Cx: You want me to click on Start? Me: No. I want you to click on a beehive. With your genitals. Business owners: I'm certain that business owners in Ontario are required by law to provide documented evidence that their parents were never married. No, I will not refund the $25,000 in lost income because your cat hit the standby button on the modem 3 days ago and you were too stupid to call us at the time. If you want someone who gives a **** about your business, get a business account. __________________

03-05-2007, 02:57 AM	#5 (permalink)
The Dude I <3 Jak Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Scranton. Where the Office is filmed Age: 22 Posts: 2,418 Rep Power: 8	I always wondered how the hell the service industry is responsible for those who work in it to develop a hobbesian view on life. Now I know. __________________ FFOF Got a question or want to tell us why we suck? Click Here!

03-05-2007, 03:28 AM	#6 (permalink)
Necro Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Broken Hill Age: 16 Posts: 808 Rep Power: 5	I know it's not their fault, but I tend to hate the Asian technical support people. They make no sense whatsoever and piss me off for the 2 hour+ they have me on the phone to sort out something to do with a account error -- which happens to be a fault by them in the first place >:C __________________ construction.

03-05-2007, 08:50 AM	#8 (permalink)
Etheon Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Montreal Age: 20 Posts: 37 Rep Power: 4	Meh, tech support is necessary to our society. Someone has to take the blame for bad software and faulty hardware. __________________ "I may be vile and pernicious, but you can't look away...I'll make you think I'm delicious, with the stuff that I say. I'm the best you can get, have you guessed me, yet? I am the slime oozin' out, from your TV set." - Frank Zappa

03-06-2007, 03:43 PM	#15 (permalink)
Necro Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Broken Hill Age: 16 Posts: 808 Rep Power: 5	Even people who do know the name of their OS, seems to say it in a seriously disturbing tone =\ __________________ construction.

03-05-2007, 01:47 AM	#4 (permalink)
The Man Vi veri vniversvm vivvs vici Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Florida Age: 25 Posts: 3,647 Rep Power: 0	So glad I don't work in tech support

03-05-2007, 05:10 AM	#7 (permalink)
YopY BOOM HEADSHOT! Join Date: Jan 2007 Age: 22 Posts: 299 Rep Power: 4	rofflez. I had to call tech support for my modem once, I was redirected to a service center in Britain or someting (who knows, might've been India for all I know), had to wait like ten minutes, then got someone on the line who led me through a process that fixxxed the problem <3. Had to change some settings I myself wouldn't have a clue about, which solved it.

03-05-2007, 06:36 PM	#13 (permalink)
Dave Former FFExtreme Owner Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Ottawa Age: 22 Posts: 706 Rep Power: 6	I'm smarter than the majority of Tech Support so I've never really called them, but I've had most of those questions asked to me before, and I also share a hate on for people who are totally computer illiterate... Its like people not bothering to learn how to read after the Renaissance, get with the ****ing times.

03-06-2007, 08:52 PM	#18 (permalink)
Dionysus_PSI Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Canada Age: 23 Posts: 72 Rep Power: 4	I'm SO glad I don't work in tech support. I get enough of it working as a Technition/Electrician, and it drives me nuts. TOO MANY People are STUPID, without the ability to either pickup on simple things or to gives a **** to understand stuff (and then believe they do understand it). sigh C'est la vie. Cheers, Dion.

03-07-2007, 10:48 AM	#20 (permalink)
YopY BOOM HEADSHOT! Join Date: Jan 2007 Age: 22 Posts: 299 Rep Power: 4	Guess I'm lucky then. Everyone I know knows what OS they have ^_^.

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