[Angry Bear]

Alright, I said I'd post here, so here goes. I'm going to try to be fairly brief though, it's not yet 6am for me. I may add to this later, I'll see how I go.

"~Missing Our Love~"
Well, first off, on the whole - I like it. The third stanza is definitely the strongest, and these three lines

"Although I dare not grieve
For thy love is as boundless as the seas
And so I shall wait desperately"

have an almost soft assonance-like rhyme, which is a nice touch.
The second stanza, interestingly, I felt was the weakest. The "becoming somewhat ethereal..." didn't really seem to work well there, I feel, and it weakened the stanza on the whole.

I don't know if I've said this before, but I'm not the biggest fan of "thee"s and "thy"s in poems, but they seem to work just fine here, so that isn't a complaint, just a note :P

The poem is good, but not great.


"Perfect Recipe"
Well, usually I'd be against an extended metaphor like this one, because they are used to the point of cliche, but you managed to use it effectively. The first three lines
"Our secret kiss
Your fascination for me
My hungry lips "
are good, particularly the "hungry lips".

"Just like taste buds savoring something
Unbelievably delicious "
later in the poem was also good, and your continued use of words that are often used in relation to food ("craving", "indulge") were good, and definitely helped both the flow of the poem and subtly improved the metaphor on the whole. There is quite a bit of what I see as deliberate rhyming in the last stanza, and I like that you don't seem to follow any particular rhyming pattern and just do it as you see fit. It's effective.

Good stuff.



Alright, now for your untitled short story.
I'm just going to sum up my thoughts very quickly on this one.

It's ok, but it didn't exactly blow me out of the water. There are a few places where tense seems to subtly change, I don't think that would be deliberate so I guess look out for that in the future.

The actual story was fine, and I liked the "realizing that it was getting late; she decided to ponder at a later date. " rhyme at the end of the first stanza/paragraph (whichever is more appropriate here). I may be being a little harsh with the criticisms I've offered on this one, but I've got to be mean sometimes :P


"Enthralling Love"

Ah, now I've already told you this one was my favourite, but I guess I'll semi-repeat what I've already said about it, but in a much-abridged version. Essentially, I like what the poem is about, and how you've written it. Again, I like the few rare rhymes you put in.

"Sweet nectar kisses,
drugging my starving lips,
pouring your love and now I’m addicted,
I’ve fallen into your abyss,"

That's probably my favourite part of the poem, especially the "I've fallen into your abyss" line. It's good as both an image and a concept, well done there.


"Beyond Simple Words"

Well, I guess I didn't read this as closely as I should have the first time I did. It's very good! I really can't see anything to criticize. You selected and used words well (haha, you were right that that would appeal to me) and again, I love the whole concept.

"So now you just fall…completely letting go…just falling in the light waiting to be caught in those comforting arms you have always yearned for… " as an ending line was great. I dug the change from a wildly beating heart to a comfortable steady rhythm. I really can't think of much else to say about this one other than that it is good!


"The end of Sentimentality...?"

Well, I'm fairly indifferent towards this one. I don't really like or dislike it, and I can't put my finger on exactly why.

"Chaos at the palm of my hands as I smile wickedly " was a good line, but on thw whole I'm not a fan of this one. It's a shame I can't work out exactly what I don't like, or I'd be able to offer more constructive criticism. If I do work it out later, I'll edit it in. At the moment, the only thing I can think of is the entire structure and ordering just doesn't quite seem right... to me anyway.


"Sorry I’m late…it took me forever to get here. "
Ah, I like this one. The idea of tears being a sanctuary is a novel one, and I really liked that. The whole first stanza is spot on.

"However, your innocent love devoured me completely and I was granted the perfect gift. True unconditional love. An emotion forgotten though the ages of time, almost obsolete and yet entwined." Wow, that definitely appeals. Well done with that part. Nothing much else to say about this one either. It's good, and that's all there is to say about it really.


"Worth Waiting For"

This one, I've already commented on, but I will repeat my thoughts.

It's good. Really.

"~You were worth waiting for...~

My soul gleams with loving thoughts of you
Warm whispers flowing through
Giving a sense of heat in the middle of winter
When it was once ice ruling within her
Snow White Queen…that’s how I am remembered,
Forbidden desires yet I fail to hinder
Seeping though at an obvious and hasty rate
You are the one able to navigate"

I particularly like that, and love the rhyming at the beginning and end of the stanza.

"Engraving reality without being an illusionist " was a fantastic line, and as I've already said I got a mental image from that, so I know that it was truly very good.

"My lungs no longer breathe a melancholic lyric
For it has inhaled a mere dominating dosage
Not poisonous or neurotic visages of anything
But just a single drop of virtuous significance

~Claiming to be a muse is an understatement~

Because…I love you beyond any fancy verses"

Wow, just wow. Very good. The "single drop of virtuous significance" is powerful, and so it the end of the poem with the drop into prose.

I can see why this one if a favourite of yours.



Alright, now I guess I'll comment (very) briefly on the whole.

I like your writing style, though sometimes I don't think you use words as well as you might be able to (too lazy to look right now) and there are definitely lines here and there that could be improved. You write about love a lot! Have you written much about anything else? It could be interesting to see one with a different topic. As I've mentioned many times, I like the way you subtly rhyme things, and just your poems on the whole. Don't take any criticism too badly, I'm a pain like that :P
I look forward to reading more whenever you get around to writing more!