Rp Training Grounds

Derek · 05-05-2007, 02:23 PM

I'm sure that people have put up a few pointers on how to get a RP newb started, but I think it'd be even better if someone could help them by pointing out the flaws in their posts and to get a real feeling for RP. I happen to be a newbish Rper, and I'm ashamed that I even call myself an RPer.

and I wish to ascend to the highest level of RP with the best help I can get.

Shakan'Dar · 05-05-2007, 09:49 PM

I'll help you out buddy. Everybody has to begin somewhere, don't beat yourself up about it. Do a beginning post, about anything you want, so I can gauge how you'd begin in an RP. Messy or confusing beginner posts can have the effect of people not wanting to include you in the story arc, or even have the effect of stopping an RP in its tracks, so without further ado, write a beginning post and we can go from there.

Derek · 05-12-2007, 03:24 AM

Sorry. I haven't been active in a while.:P Been playing Disgaea. I just beat it last night.

Anyway, here we go. And I have a character to go with this post, aswell.

Zane walked through the forest of death, searching for his adversary. He walked through the bushes ever brushing against him, he lead on with undying determination. He finally came upon a large opening in the forest, and he noticed all the beautiful flowers and large, lush trees, and how vibrantly the greenery glowed. the wind was blowing a nice breeze and made for a very peaceful setting. It had just rained, so water was still dripping from the branches and leaves of the trees. Zane could hear everything. Every droplet of water, birds chirping, the bushes and trees being wept by the wind, and the footsteps of creatures that inhabited the forest. The second he walked into this opening, he felt like he couldn't have a care in the world.

"I don't see why they call it the forest of death, it's so beautiful, like something that popped right out of a storyboook. Maybe I should make a painting?"

Zane grabbed his painting supplies and started making a beautiful painting with his various art supplies. Stroke after stroke, the time just flew by and he found himself in a fury of inspiration to finish the painting.

"Whew. I'm finally done. Where is that man at?"

Shakan'Dar · 05-13-2007, 01:04 AM

Ok. As far as classification goes, I'd say this is a medium range post. It won't make people cover their eyes in horror, but it's not going to inspire an epic fantasy saga either. A few grammatical errors detract from what you where trying to say eg. "wept by the wind" is probably supposed to be "swept by the wind". "felt like he couldn't have a care in the world" would sound better as "felt like he didn't have a care in the world". Read your posts to yourself after you've finished them, and that irons out most of the grammatical errors.

When he's talking and says, "Maybe I should make a painting?" you don't really need the question mark. He's suggesting something to himself, not asking himself what he wants to do.

As far as descriptions of the forest go, that's pretty well covered. I can picture where he is clearly, which is half the struggle of an RP post. If you can't accurately visualize what's happening, then it's hard to reply to a post.

You mention that Zane is searching for his "adversary". That word should be used very carefully. Instead of referring to people as your adversary, or enemy, it's better to use the reason they're your enemy as your descriptor. Zane was searching for the man who stole his pony, as opposed to Zane was looking for his adversary. It's all very well to say that you're enemies, but a reason fleshes out your character better, and helps others relate to him better. Remember, you're trying to make your character feel real to others, so if you wouldn't normally say something, don't make your character say it. I'm not saying you should start throwing in all of the modern day euphemisms like "Zane was looking for the guy who swiped his ride," but you don't need to overdo it with words like "adversary" to make it sound more "fantasy-ish"

Also, if he's looking for an enemy, why does he have his painting set with him? I thought that was a bit odd. It seems like the reason he's in the forest is to track down his mysterious enemy, so he probably wouldn't drag his arts and crafts kit along. IF on the other hand, he's a traveling artist who was on the way to somewhere through the forest, and a mysterious person attacked him, then Zane's situation of looking for his enemy while having painting stuff would be more plausible, but if there's a reason for him to be going through the forest OTHER than fighting this guy, you should give it. It's always good to see that characters have another side to them besides "going into the forest to fight stuff", but don't just throw it in where it doesn't belong without some sort of explanation.

I hope some of that advice helped, and I hope I didn't seem too critical. All my advice is meant to be helpful, not make you feel down. You have the makings of a good RPer in you and I don't want to discourage you.

Derek · 05-13-2007, 07:08 AM

Lol, I guy stole my pony.xD

Well, mainly where I'm getting along at RP you do "go places to fight stuff." It's like a challenge to see who's better at RP and now I see how adversary is a word that I want to be careful with. And now that I think about it, yes, having his painting set with him is a bit... It doesn't work. xD

This is what I've got for a post involving combat:

"Looks like it's time to get a little serious..."

Zane looked down towards the ground and activated his Ashigaru and started directing his chakra flow directly to his palm. The chakra began welling up in his right hand, emmiting a visible, and eerie, but lovely glow of crimson. The chakra flailed like something that was desperate to escape the grasp of Zane's hand and covered his right arm in a red, static-like aura.

"Get ready, 'Cause you're not going to like this one bit... One thousand birds!!

Zane charged towards the icicle and used just enough chakra to break the icicle into six smaller slivers and used the chakra that was not used for the full power of the technique to make a wave of chakra to deflect them back at the caster.

ChaosLegion · 05-22-2007, 08:00 AM

" Well, well, look what we have here? mind if i join in? " ChaosLegion enters into the scene with an unnoticable entrance with the Legendary-Murasame blade, sharp enough to cut a full grown man. "hehehe...are you trying to piss me off? cuz i got a little irated to your face...!", with less than one second, ChaosLegion summoned a human-like form and said " wanna know the true skills of the legendary-Murasame blade? i know you'll like it...dont even blink, cuz if you miss one thing, you just lose 1/2 of your life...here I go...! ".

ahhh....! et a taste of this....!

With unpredictable speed, ChaosLegion turned the human-like form into blazing ashes...leaving the arena in silence..." So what do you think?"....

Akira Avelon · 05-22-2007, 01:18 PM

Not suitable. You don't use gifs to show what you do in posts. You write it out word for word.. Plus seeing that gif when first waking up kills the eyes and I now have a headache before work. Plus.. You must remember that some people can have seizures due to flashing gifs. and The post was a tad god moded.

Derek · 05-22-2007, 08:52 PM

Quote:

Zane looked down towards the ground and activated his Ashigaru and started directing his chakra flow directly to his palm. The chakra began welling up in his right hand, emmiting a visible, and eerie, but lovely glow of crimson. The chakra flailed like something that was desperate to escape the grasp of Zane's hand and covered his right arm in a red, static-like aura.

"Get ready, 'Cause you're not going to like this one bit... One thousand birds!!

Zane charged towards the icicle and used just enough chakra to break the icicle into six smaller slivers and used the chakra that was not used for the full power of the technique to make a wave of chakra to deflect them back at the caster.

Aki, can you revise this post and tell me what's wrong with it and if it's any good or not?

Akira Avelon · 05-22-2007, 11:29 PM

Very good. I don't see anything wrong with the post. You're learning well. Good job.

Shakan'Dar · 05-23-2007, 01:28 AM

I think the only thing that could be wrong with it is the fact that you talk about chakra, and certain attacks. Make sure you include more detailed information in the character profile in your bio thread, so that if somebody doesn't know what you're talking about, they have the ability to find out. Other than that, it's cool and very inventive. I especially like the mention of an Ashigaru. (do you know Japanese? or are you a Shogun Total War player like me?)

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05-05-2007, 09:49 PM	#2 (permalink)
Shakan'Dar Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 18 Posts: 254 Rep Power: 4	I'll help you out buddy. Everybody has to begin somewhere, don't beat yourself up about it. Do a beginning post, about anything you want, so I can gauge how you'd begin in an RP. Messy or confusing beginner posts can have the effect of people not wanting to include you in the story arc, or even have the effect of stopping an RP in its tracks, so without further ado, write a beginning post and we can go from there.

05-13-2007, 01:04 AM	#4 (permalink)
Shakan'Dar Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 18 Posts: 254 Rep Power: 4	Ok. As far as classification goes, I'd say this is a medium range post. It won't make people cover their eyes in horror, but it's not going to inspire an epic fantasy saga either. A few grammatical errors detract from what you where trying to say eg. "wept by the wind" is probably supposed to be "swept by the wind". "felt like he couldn't have a care in the world" would sound better as "felt like he didn't have a care in the world". Read your posts to yourself after you've finished them, and that irons out most of the grammatical errors. When he's talking and says, "Maybe I should make a painting?" you don't really need the question mark. He's suggesting something to himself, not asking himself what he wants to do. As far as descriptions of the forest go, that's pretty well covered. I can picture where he is clearly, which is half the struggle of an RP post. If you can't accurately visualize what's happening, then it's hard to reply to a post. You mention that Zane is searching for his "adversary". That word should be used very carefully. Instead of referring to people as your adversary, or enemy, it's better to use the reason they're your enemy as your descriptor. Zane was searching for the man who stole his pony, as opposed to Zane was looking for his adversary. It's all very well to say that you're enemies, but a reason fleshes out your character better, and helps others relate to him better. Remember, you're trying to make your character feel real to others, so if you wouldn't normally say something, don't make your character say it. I'm not saying you should start throwing in all of the modern day euphemisms like "Zane was looking for the guy who swiped his ride," but you don't need to overdo it with words like "adversary" to make it sound more "fantasy-ish" Also, if he's looking for an enemy, why does he have his painting set with him? I thought that was a bit odd. It seems like the reason he's in the forest is to track down his mysterious enemy, so he probably wouldn't drag his arts and crafts kit along. IF on the other hand, he's a traveling artist who was on the way to somewhere through the forest, and a mysterious person attacked him, then Zane's situation of looking for his enemy while having painting stuff would be more plausible, but if there's a reason for him to be going through the forest OTHER than fighting this guy, you should give it. It's always good to see that characters have another side to them besides "going into the forest to fight stuff", but don't just throw it in where it doesn't belong without some sort of explanation. I hope some of that advice helped, and I hope I didn't seem too critical. All my advice is meant to be helpful, not make you feel down. You have the makings of a good RPer in you and I don't want to discourage you.

05-22-2007, 08:00 AM	#6 (permalink)
ChaosLegion Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Philippines Age: 15 Posts: 33 Rep Power: 4	" Well, well, look what we have here? mind if i join in? " ChaosLegion enters into the scene with an unnoticable entrance with the Legendary-Murasame blade, sharp enough to cut a full grown man. "hehehe...are you trying to piss me off? cuz i got a little irated to your face...!", with less than one second, ChaosLegion summoned a human-like form and said " wanna know the true skills of the legendary-Murasame blade? i know you'll like it...dont even blink, cuz if you miss one thing, you just lose 1/2 of your life...here I go...! ". ahhh....! et a taste of this....! With unpredictable speed, ChaosLegion turned the human-like form into blazing ashes...leaving the arena in silence..." So what do you think?"....

05-22-2007, 01:18 PM	#7 (permalink)
Akira Avelon Thy life for a dream Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 690 Rep Power: 5	Not suitable. You don't use gifs to show what you do in posts. You write it out word for word.. Plus seeing that gif when first waking up kills the eyes and I now have a headache before work. Plus.. You must remember that some people can have seizures due to flashing gifs. and The post was a tad god moded.

05-22-2007, 11:29 PM	#9 (permalink)
Akira Avelon Thy life for a dream Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 690 Rep Power: 5	Very good. I don't see anything wrong with the post. You're learning well. Good job.

05-23-2007, 01:28 AM	#10 (permalink)
Shakan'Dar Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 18 Posts: 254 Rep Power: 4	I think the only thing that could be wrong with it is the fact that you talk about chakra, and certain attacks. Make sure you include more detailed information in the character profile in your bio thread, so that if somebody doesn't know what you're talking about, they have the ability to find out. Other than that, it's cool and very inventive. I especially like the mention of an Ashigaru. (do you know Japanese? or are you a Shogun Total War player like me?)