Joke Thread

[Lethe°]

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your mom - she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny...we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh*t."

[DuMbAsS]

Hey what happened to some of the jokes that were on here a while back?

I remember something about dead baby jokes

[Larsa]

Hav you read nothing? Look in the updates forum.

[DuMbAsS]

Oh yeah. Haven't gone there yet tonight. Sorry. I've been gone for a good few days now. Like 5 or 6 I think.

[Helpful Nemesis]

Superman was out and about looking for some sex...
he bumps into the the Hulk. Superman asks him if he knew anyone he could have sex with...
The hulk replied "try Wonder Woman, she'll have sex with anyone, and I should know"
so Superman said "I can't do that, we're really good friends", So superman flies off...

He bumps into Spiderman, so he'd thought he'd asks him if he knew anybody he could have sex with...
Spiderman also tells Superman to go for wonder woman, and that he's had sex with her loads of times.
once again, Superman thinks "I can't do it, she's my best friend!"

He then runs into Batman, and asks the same thing... He ALSO tells Superman to get on Wonder Woman.
So Superman starts to think "damn, she's had sex with everybody".. and then flies off with out saying good bye...

as he was flying, Superman spotted Wonder Woman laying down on the grass, legs open, and extremly naked.
So he's thinking "hell with it, i'll use my super speed, and i'll be done before she realises it was me"
So, he goes down, pumps her, then flies away, all in 1 second.

Wonder Womans asks "what was that?"....
Then the Invisible Man says "I don't know but my ass hurts."

[Iceman]

A guy comes up to me and says "I'm a tepee, I'm a wigwam, I'm a tepee, I'm a wigwam." I said "Relax, man, you're two tents."

Yeah, I stole that from WoW. My favorite joke of em all.

[smattle]

Read this a few days ago:

"Bored on your way to work / school?
Take the bus, subway or whatever means of public transport are available...
Kill your phone and then pretend to be talking to your friend on it...
Tell him everything about the lovely 4 week trip to Mexico you just came back from.....
While at it cough a few times and then pretend to sneeze in direction of somebody next to you."

[Lady Lamont]

XD Nice, I should try that one sometime Smattle.

[smattle]

Teacher gives the class a fairly easy homework to do:
"Bring something exciting to class tomorrow!"

Next morning the teacher asks the students what they had brought, a boy in first row stands up and tells him that he brought the latest issue of Playboy.
The teacher responds, "Goddammit that's not exciting at all....I think I'm going to have to speak a few words with your father. Please have him come to school with you tomorrow!"

The next day the teacher realises that the boy had moved to the back of the classroom, and asks him: "So where is you'r dad, and why are you sitting in the back?"

The boy responds:" Well, my dad told me that if my teacher thinks the Playboy isn't exciting at all, he is a homo and I should stay away from him."

[smattle]

A woman is in the bathroom putting on some lotion all over her skin.

Her son asks:"What you doing that for?"
She responds:"So I can become more beautiful."

A few minutes later she steps out of the bathroom, her son is sitting on the couch and looks up:" Well, didn't work, eh?"

[smattle]

> Do you speak English?
>
> - Yes!
> - Name?
> - Abdul al-Rhazib.
> - Sex?
> - Three to five times a week.
> - No, no...I mean male or female?
> - Yes, male, female, sometimes camel.
> - Holy cow!
> - Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
> - But isn't that hostile?
> - Horse style, doggy style, free style, any style!
> - Oh dear!
> - No, no! Deer run too fast...