from THE CROW:

[In Fun Boy's flat]
Eric Draven: Take your best shot, Fun Boy. You got me dead-bang.
Fun Boy: You are seriously ****ed up. Did you look in your mirror? You need professional help.
[In Fun Boy's flat]
Fun Boy (after being amazed by Eric's healing hand): Jesus Christ!
Eric (sarcastically): Jesus Christ...stop me if you've heard this one. Jesus Christ walks into a hotel.
[first gunshot]
Eric (quite unemotionally): Ow. (strutting) He walks into a hotel and hands the innkeeper three nails and asks...
[gunshot 2]
Fun Boy (desperate): Don't you ever ****in' die?
Eric: "Can you put me up for the night?"
[After he gets shot in the leg]
Fun Boy: Oh God! Look what you've done to my sheets!

From The Departed.

"It doesn't matter if you're a cop or a robber, cause when you find yourself staring down a loaded gun; what's the difference?"

Chun Li: My father saved his village at the cost of his own life. You had him shot as you ran away. A hero at a thousand paces!
Bison: I'm sorry... I don't remember any of it.
Chun Li: You don't remember?
Bison: For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for me... it was Tuesday.

A quote from As Good as it Gets...xD:

"How do you write women so well?"
"I think of a man, and then I take away reason and accountability."

It's not a movie but I've just rewatched the first season of Deadwood and it's what's stuck in my head atm.

E.B. Farnum: Separate rooms, I'll arrange that by tomorrow, but today I can't fix it, unless you kill a guest.
____________

Al Swearengen: God rest the souls of that poor family... and pussy's half price for the next 15 minutes.
____________

Al Swearengen: You want a blow job while I talk to you?

Judge: No.

Al Swearengen: I wasn't offering personally.
____________

E.B. Farnum: Hickok's half-women friend's off somewheres on a tear. The orphan square head's in the widow's care. The widow feels put upon. She's asked me to find her some help. I suggested the gimp.
____________

Al Swearengen: Wave a penny under the Jew's nose; if they got living breath in them, brings them right around.
____________

Reverend H.W. Smith: When I read the Scriptures, I do not feel Christ's love as I used to.

Calamity Jane: Aw, is that so? That is too bad! Join the ****in' club of most of us!

"Now I'm not say we wouldn't get our hair mussed, but I am saying no more than 10 to 20 million killed. Tops!"

-Gen. Turgidson
Dr. Strangelove

surprised no one's quoted this one yet.

Paraphrased from Spaceballs (because I haven't seen it in a while.):

Dark Helmet: Who made that man a gunner?
Maj. *******: I did, sir. He's my cousin.
Dark Helmet: Who is he?
Col. Sandurz: He's an *******, sir.
Dark Helmet: I know that. What's his name?
Col. Sandurz: That is his name, sir. *******, Major *******.
Dark Helmet: And his cousin?
Col. Sandurz: He's an ******* too, sir. Gunner's Mate, First Class, Philip *******.
Dark Helmet: How many *******s we got on this ship, any how?
[Entire bridge crew stands up and raises a hand]
Everyone: Yo!
Dark Helmet: I knew it. I'm surrounded by *******s. [Dark Helmet pulls his face shield down] Keep firing, *******s!


and of course:

Col. Sandurz: Prepare ship for light speed!
Dark Helmet: No, no, no, light speed is too slow!
Col. Sandurz: Light speed, too slow?!
Dark Helmet: Yes, we're gonna have to go right to . . . ludicrous speed!
Col. Sandurz: Ludicrous speed?! Sir, we've never gone that fast before. I don't know if the ship can take it.
Dark Helmet: What's the matter Colonel Sandurz? Chicken?
Col. Sandurz: Prepare ship for ludicrous speed! Fasten all seatbelts, seal all entrances and exits, close all shops in the mall, cancel the three ring circus, secure all animals in the zoo!


Edit by The Man: Fixxxed fgj

Originally Posted by The Man Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, so let me simply add that it's my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.

That always seemed a bit tacky to me. I get it, his name's 'V'.

From Ace Ventura:

Ace: "I have a package for you, sir."
Man: "Sounds broken."
Ace: "Most likely; I bet it was something nice, though!"

From The Good, the Bad and the Ugly:

One Armed Man: I've been looking for you for 8 months. Whenever I should have had a gun in my right hand, I thought of you. Now I find you in exactly the position that suits me. I had lots of time to learn to shoot with my left. [spoiler]
[Tuco kills him with a hidden gun]
Tuco: When you have to shoot, shoot, don't talk. [/spoiler]

From Monty Python: some of my favorites!!

Sir Lancelot: We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril.
Sir Galahad: I don't think I was.
Sir Lancelot: Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril.
Sir Galahad: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.
Sir Lancelot: No, it's too perilous.
Sir Galahad: Look, it's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can.
Sir Lancelot: No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on.
Sir Galahad: Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril?
Sir Lancelot: No. It's unhealthy.
Sir Galahad: I bet you're gay.
Sir Lancelot: Am not

+ my most FAVORITE

Bridgekeeper: Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.
Sir Lancelot: Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I am not afraid.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your name?
Sir Lancelot: My name is Sir Lancelot of Camelot.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?
Sir Lancelot: To seek the Holy Grail.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your favourite colour?
Sir Lancelot: Blue.
Bridgekeeper: Go on. Off you go.
Sir Lancelot: Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.
Sir Robin: That's easy.
Bridgekeeper: Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.
Sir Robin: Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I'm not afraid.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your name?
Sir Robin: Sir Robin of Camelot.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?
Sir Robin: To seek the Holy Grail.
Bridgekeeper: What... is the capital of Assyria?
[pause]
Sir Robin: I don't know that.
[he is thrown over the edge into the volcano]
Sir Robin: Auuuuuuuugh.
Bridgekeeper: Stop. What... is your name?
Galahad: Sir Galahad of Camelot.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?
Galahad: I seek the Grail.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your favourite colour?
Galahad: Blue. No, yel...
[he is also thrown over the edge]
Galahad: auuuuuuuugh.
Bridgekeeper: Hee hee heh. Stop. What... is your name?
King Arthur: It is 'Arthur', King of the Britons.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?
King Arthur: To seek the Holy Grail.
Bridgekeeper: What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
King Arthur: What do you mean? An African or European swallow?
Bridgekeeper: Huh? I... I don't know that.
[he is thrown over]
Bridgekeeper: Auuuuuuuugh.
Sir Bedevere: How do know so much about swallows?
King Arthur: Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know

From Conan the Barbarian:

"You killed my MOther! You killed my Father!! You took his sword!!!"

damn arnold was built in that role.