Stupid retarded-ass spam mails...

[Kionae]

I'm so sick of getting emails like this:

Hello my friend!

I am ready to kill myself and eat my dog, if medicine prices here (http://equateagain.cn) are bad.

Look, the site and call me 1-800 if its wrong..

My dog and I are still alive

Seriously... WTF?

[The Dude]

You should tell him that the site is in fact wrong and demand screenshots of him eating his dog and killing himself.

Oh how I miss the good old days when happy rich nigerians wanted to give me money. Now all I get are random japanese people who fail miserably at english. I'm still waiting for the attorney of the late Floyd Tarantino. ah well...

[Exodus]

That spam mail doesn't make any sense. :\

[FadedDreams]

umm...... I'm quite unmoved by the fact that he threatens you to eat his dog, which can only mean one thing..... it's a load of ****.

[Kionae]

At least spam used to be readable, if completely worthless. Nowadays you're lucky if contains coherent sentences at all.

And I don't want my penis enlarged, dammit, so whoever keeps sending me the offers can just stop!

[The Dude]

tell me about it. I used to get atleast ten of those a day. six were from my girlfriend. It was the two from my mother that really hurt though.


Haha! Jimmy Karr.

[Luna Lovegood]

Jimmy Karr is a fag

[Jenova]

Originally Posted by Kionae

At least spam used to be readable, if completely worthless. Nowadays you're lucky if contains coherent sentences at all.

And I don't want my penis enlarged, dammit, so whoever keeps sending me the offers can just stop!

I hate those emails. They've taken over my inbox.

[The Dude]

I'm lucky, yahoo takes care of most of my spam though although the occasional rich African prince who wants to send me oodles of cash usually sneaks through.

[Kionae]

Originally Posted by Sirius Black

I'm lucky, yahoo takes care of most of my spam though although the occasional rich African prince who wants to send me oodles of cash usually sneaks through.

Oh, is it African princes, now? Last one of those I got was from a British soldier in Iraq. Still waiting for my $50 million... :P

[FadedDreams]

I was promised one bil from some weird guy apparently going on some missionary thing. and yes, I have gotten some about treating prostate cancer..... god dammit..... I don't even HAVE a prostate you fags!!!!

[Naruto's Fight]

Write this to any spam or chainmailers who cross your path


FUNNYEST SPAM/ CHAINMAIL REPLIES


Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare
and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme
virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal
electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion
chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that
if you send them on, that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas
with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough
money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her
off to the travelling freak show. Do you honestly believe
that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send
this email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here!

If I scroll down this page and make a wish, every Playboy
Bunny in the magazine'll visit me! What a bunch of B.S.!
So, basically, this message is a big ***** to all the people
out there who have nothing better to do than to send me
stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter
leprechauns will come into my apartment and terrorize me in
my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by
Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget
pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year
2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for
longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity. If you're
going to forward something, at least send me something
mildly amusing.

I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends,
and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow
receive a Nickel from some "omniscient being" forwards about
90 times. I don't give a damn! Show a little intelligence and
think about what you're actually contributing to by sending
out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.


THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:

Chain Letter Type 1:
(scroll down)
Make a wish!!!
Keep Scrolling


No, really, go on and make one!!!
Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
Wish something else!!!

Not that, you pervert!!
STOP!!!!
Wasn't that fun?
Hope you made a great wish

Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of
all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5
seconds, you will be assaulted by a mad goat and thrown off
a high building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because,
THIS letter isn't like those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!!
Really!!! Here's how it goes:

*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you
for sending them a stupid chain letter.

*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.

*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at
you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a
plot on your life.

*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you
for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!

Chain Letter Type 2
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there
is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no
arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life
could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar
will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy
from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember, we have
absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a
complete load of B.S. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in
the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send
this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!!

Chain Letter Type 3
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This
is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and
probably not as many sad jerks with nothing better to do. So this
is how it works... Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7
minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:

*Bizarre Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She
had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then
tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was
gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying
out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died.

This Could Happen To You!!!

*Bizarre Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail
and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his
boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and
went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for
eternity.

This Could Happen To You Too!!!

Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just
send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything
will be okay.

Chain Letter Type 4
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to all
your friends.

FRIENDS:
A friend is someone who is always at your side.
A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of
poop, and your breath smells like you've been eating
catfood.
A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly
as a hat full of road apples.
A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled
yourself.
A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry
about your sad, sad life.
A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they
really think you should be mugged by mad goats, then thrown
to vicious dogs.
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then
gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English... no,
sorry that's the cleaning lady.
A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he
wants his wish of being rich to come true.
Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever
again!

The point being?
If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you
shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If
it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them
feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's
been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only saviour
is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this
mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right?

Now forward this to everyone that you know otherwise you'll
find all your knickers missing tomorrow morning.

[Derek]

Originally Posted by Kionae

I'm so sick of getting emails like this:



Seriously... WTF?

Hello my friends!

I am ready to kill myself and eat my daughter out from the inside, if medicine prices here (http://equateagain.cn) are bad.

Look, the site and call me 1-800 if its wrong..

My dog and I are still alive and my daughter's kitty hasn't been killed yet