I don't know what to do anymore.

[smattle]

Originally Posted by MagitekElite

Nope lol Although that is a pretty name
How about this, it sounds like Ocarina of Time. :3

I....don't get it?

[MagitekElite]

You can do it. But do it on the name thread lol ^^

[AuroraVirtuaFighter]

Rant frickin addendum because I'm sorry but this has been bothering me a bit: It's getting harder and harder for me to talk to people about my condition, because EVERYONE either thinks it's a joke or "It's something Aurora made up because she is an attention whore" or they think it's because "AURORA THINKS SCHOOL IS SO HARD BECAUSE NO ONE TREATS HER LIKE A PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS!!!" No. It's not like that. In a couple instances when I mention it, simply because I am trying to reach out to people who I know won't be able to help but it feels good just to talk to people about it, this one frickin Glados ALWAYS has to jump in and tell THE OTHER PERSON "Aurora just wants attention, ignore her." The worst part is often the other person goes "Okay" to that, and then I have to explain to them that that person is...well, a Glados. (Think of the robot from Portal.)

With Phaaze ('cause I can't even call school school anymore) getting closer and closer and because of that me beginning to grow weak again, this is starting to bug me. At least my guardians know it's not a freaking joke. And sometimes I hope the people who say it is get it at some point themselves. THEN will it be a joke???

[GRAV]

Well....there realy isnt any point in me posting in this one.... due to my absence, seems my advice and/or anything else i have to offer has either been coverd or is no longer needed... ah well.

You shouldnt worry to much, after all, you have a lot of support here.

Thats about all i can say....my absence from the online world has rather dwindled my "effort" and all that... sorry

[tug31]

Phaaze is a new one on me. I used to call it hell , until senior year and taking speech class. (I know, some might be thinking, wait, you had to take a speech class!?!?!? Think of it as learning what politicians and presidents do on a regular, in H.S. Best class I have ever taken)

Little jokes and tiny stories aside, the mind is a cluster Fk of something that can be out of control and not easily understood. I'll use myself as a perfect example....

2 years ago during my sophomore year, everything was going great and things were really looking up for me going into my junior year. Then, I was in a car accident. No injuries or anything that would affect my way of functioning on a regular day basis. It was close to the end of the year, and summer was vastly approaching. The one female friend that I was particularly close to (and probably could have went all the way with had we not JUST been friends and me failing to realize that until after the help), decides to TOTALLY disregard us basically ever being as close as we were and decides to let a boyfriend come between our long lasting friendship, something she promised would never happen.

After both of those things happend, I hit rock bottom super hard and super fast. I was killing myself, in a literal since, from the inside out (I went from weighing 128 down to 103 in a matter of 2 months). My mind and body decided to shut down on itself to the point to where nothing on the planet earth would have made me happier then to go to sleep that night and not wake back up.

All summer long, I was going back and forth to different doctors, trying to figure out WHY these things were happening. I also was missing school 2-3 days a week when we went back in late aug-early sep. Finally, my mother had to take me to a psychiatrist and we found out wtf the problem was. Something triggered in my head that lead me to have severe depression and anxiety. Not only that, my father was also killed in a car accident in 98. Never really told anyone about that unless they asked.

Still, even as a junior in hs, I had hoped that the school would explode on a day that I was absent. Then, my senior year came. Greatest year of school ever. Ever since I was able to get up in front of my class of 18 peers in speech and admit everything that I had never told any other soul, even my own mother, I've had a whole new outlook on life and how short it can be. Thankfully, god has given me a second chance to see what I could have missed out on. Plus, he has given me a mother with a will strong enough to deal with all the bs that I put her through that summer.

I wish that kind of hell on no one. Cause that's what is was to me, Hell.