I don't know what to do anymore.

[AuroraVirtuaFighter]

All right. I'm pretty sure I mentioned my severe school phobia at one point. But in case I didn't, let it be known that Aurora has severe school phobia that began when she was in ninth grade and worsened over the years. It started as just what felt like a general dislike of school, now it affects me mentally as well as physically. Last year when it reached the point that I had trouble breathing, the school did a last resort of shortening my schoolday so that I'd get out at 11:00. It seemed like that was the perfect antidote. It'd work forever and I'd never have to worry about this stupid thing again.

I was wrong. I began to relapse at the end of the year, but it was the end of the year so it didn't have a chance to get dangerous. I just felt weak. At the end of July, though, I began to really worry about what the beginning of the year would bring. And then I found this distanced high school program offered by Penn Foster college. Holy revelation! I could just do that! I'd never have to see a high school ever again! I looked forward to the fall feeling crisp and new to me again, something it has not felt to me since eighth grade. I looked forward to...well, everything. I imagined a winter where I would not shrivel up and die with the flowers and leaves on my trees. School would no longer be in the way of my emotions, so I'd never have the need to feel sad or weak again. And the best part is, I was now sure I'd live to see next summer.

Well, the other day it was broken to me that the Board Of Ed had gotten back to us and said that my state doesn't accept any kind of virtual high school programs. College, yes. High school, no. It didn't accept it. Actually the only state in the whole freakin country that does accept it is Arizona.

I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I really don't. Now that not even the school's LAST RESORT is doing anything, I really don't know what's going to happen to me. The emotional part always comes first, then the physical...I start feeling dizzy, seeing everyone's faces as a blur, and not recognizing who's RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, and then eventually I have trouble breathing...and now I get to learn what happens after that part, it looks like. My guardians say they're not gonna let anything happen to me, but not even they can do anything when it gets so bad that I don't even recognize or respond to their attempts anymore. To be honest, I'm not sure if they themselves know what they're gonna do and are just saying all that as desperate hopeful pleas. Now stuff I love to do...go to carnivals, go to the beach, eat lunch at KFC, read Arabian Nights...now I just keep feeling like it's useless because it's not going to matter once September hits. JP talks about all the places he's gonna drive us in the fall, all the stuff we're gonna do in the fall, but "the fall" sounds like an apocalypse to me now. Me and Lightning came up with a neat idea for Halloween, but I'm worried that I won't be able to impliment it...and also if I do impliment it's not gonna matter. Once September hits nothing I do matters anymore, nothing anyone does for me matters...

I will be seeing a doctor, but starting September 11...it'll already be beginning to take hold by then. I don't even call it school anymore...I call it Phaaze now, as a homage to Metroid's Phazon planet. I'm thinking about stuff I shouldn't even be thinking about, like writing a will and asking to be buried in my Zero Suit. I can't stop crying even though I don't know what I'm crying about...I guess I'm crying because I'm realizing exactly what it'd mean if I died from this. Dying a slow death from mental weakness is not like dying a heroic death doing a good deed. I don't want to die from this...

[DuMbAsS]

You've got to keep strong! Maybe there's another way you could get through this. I can't imagine what it's like that your going through. I couldn't even imagine not going to school this fall. I miss out on too much during the summers and really begin to miss my school friends. Anyways, keep strong Aurora. You can't let this get to you. Otherwise you might not be able to figure out a possible solution.

Btw, I'm no expert in the whole how long you have to go to high school thing and such, but I think you could take a whole year off of school. Don't quote me on this as it's iffy, but I think that if you had a serious condition such as this, you could be given the ability leave school for a year. Nevermind. I just realized it might turn out to be a bad plan as it you would fall a year behind. Couldn't you get the BoE to come up with some scheduled specialized for you?

A partial Virtual High School program has been implemented at my school as a test program. It also serves as a way for students to be able to take courses not offered at my school as we're a very little school out in nowhere. Truly nowhere. You'll be driving down a state highway and it'll just pop up from behind a bunch of trees and you'll be all like WTF? Whats a school doing here. Wait a minute I'm getting a little off track again. The program I was talking about is called something like Distance Learning. The teacher will be at some other school or place and teach via webcam and the students are taught through that. The teacher also gets a feedback of what the students are doing so don't think that means you could be sleeping while he/she teaches. My school also offers a teacherless program where you can take specific subjects that our teachers currently just don't have enough time to incorporate into there schedule. However, it requires you to do all the homework yourself, and for you to teach yourself everything completely which can get tough if it's a subject that's just mind boggling.

Anyways, Star, keep your head up and be strong. There's sure to be some way through this. What it is, I don't know. But you, JP, and Lightning will find it because you have to. If you don't you'll make my prediction here false. And that's just not right. (Just a joke to try and cheer you up in case my long motivation speech just didn't do the trick)

[Chaotic Lionheart]

Two words:Home School done

[DuMbAsS]

Oh yeah. I forgot to mention that in my post.

[AuroraVirtuaFighter]

Originally Posted by DuMbAsS

Anyways, Star, keep your head up and be strong. There's sure to be some way through this. What it is, I don't know. But you, JP, and Lightning will find it because you have to. If you don't you'll make my prediction here false. And that's just not right. (Just a joke to try and cheer you up in case my long motivation speech just didn't do the trick)

Uh, JP is my birthfather's codename, so he was the one being the hinderer.

I'm not as worried now, though. I talked to Rinoa about it. I believe in her and the others..

[DuMbAsS]

hehehehe. Well, I wasn't sure who your guardians codenames were so I went with those. But you got the point right.

[Bub]

Dude school's not that big of a deal, just get through it as fast as possible. Someone f**ks with you, f**k back.

[smattle]

To quote our lost brother Grav here, it's a dudette not a dude.....

Anyways bub from what I understand she has trouble with school in general, not so much with particular persons...

[Big E Rob]

yeah i used to be like that to, my solution: sleeping in class!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[AuroraVirtuaFighter]

Yeah it's not the people I have trouble with. It's being in the school itself. It just...when I get there I just crumple like a dead leaf and don't come out until I'm back home...and then at night I crumple like a leaf again. The only actual person who contributed to my fears was this Italian teacher I had last year who kept staring at me like I was Pyramid Head and whenever she talked to me it was as if she was begging for mercy. That teacher was scared of me and the fact that a 25-year-old teacher was scared of a 16-year-old kid scared ME to death. You have no clue how relieved I felt when I got out of her class when I got my schedule shortened. In the halls she still stared at me like I was Pyramid Head, but then I just hid until I passed her >>

I've been feeling brave lately but still very scared. I've been trying to push the fear aside and believing what Rinoa told me the other day, at least until August is done...I just can't add any stress to me right now or else I will break down again like I did last week.

[DuMbAsS]

Creepy. Staring is also very rude in a form like this. I consider the staring at me for reasons like, I'm awesome, I'm hot, I'm a killer dude (very SPECIFICALLY to me ) to be very along the lines of exceptable forms of staring. Right long ramble sentence.

[smattle]

Originally Posted by DuMbAsS

Creepy. Staring is also very rude in a form like this. I consider the staring at me for reasons like, I'm awesome, I'm hot, I'm a killer dude (very SPECIFICALLY to me ) to be very along the lines of exceptable forms of staring. Right long ramble sentence.

Maybe, just maybe the staring at you has to do with you having dumbass tattooed to your forehead? No? XD You know I just can't stop :P

[DuMbAsS]

Yeah I know. I believe I just told MagitekElite that you'll do that often as well. Btw, I've got ask her about a nickname to use besides her user.

[smattle]

True that, in her introductory thread she actually said we could call her by her real name, but forgot to tell us what her real name is 'O_o

[MagitekElite]

I meant to ^^
You can call me Kassy. If you can figure out my real name from "Kassy" than you can call me by my real name, if you wish.

[DuMbAsS]

Well it's been a long week. As proven by how I couldn't decipher your hair and eye color. So I probably wouldn't figure it out anyways. Nice to officially make your aquaintince Kassy. ;D

[MagitekElite]

I'll give a hint. It starts with a "K" and ends with a "A"

Thank you, Lai. Its nice to be officially....um, thank you! lol

[DuMbAsS]

lol nevermind that. It was just a joke about not knowing what to call you. I'll guess your name in another thread we seem to be taking Star's rant thread.

[smattle]

Kassandra!

[MagitekElite]

Nope lol Although that is a pretty name
How about this, it sounds like Ocarina of Time. :3