Should I face my Dark Samus?

[AuroraVirtuaFighter]

Yeah, yeah, I know, more Aurora angst. I'm chock full of it ever since September 8. Bear with me.

You all know about my "Phaaze," a.k.a. my school, and how I've been so dead scared of it that it's been affecting seriously EVERY aspect of my life. Seriously. I can't go anywhere anymore, do anything anymore without it and its core, which I've been calling "Dark Samus" appropriately, hovering over me. I've never talked about this core much, because I absolutely hate bringing it up to anyone...it makes me start crying, wailing, and hyperventilating to bring it up (I'm crying right now, if anyone wants to know). But lately I've been thinking it's TIME to bring it up...it's been identified as the core but yet I've been refusing to talk about it. But I suppose I must if anyone is going to be able to give me advice.

Phaaze is school, and "Dark Samus" is detention. Yeah, detention. I haven't gotten one in nearly 4 years, but ever since I started high school it's been so much easier to get one. In those 4 years, I've acquired a reputation, in school and pretty much everywhere else, as the "Mary Sue." The goody-two-shoes who always follows curfew (which is quite early), never loiters in front of the Wawa like (too many) other kids do, doesn't pick fights, never cusses or texts in class, follows all the rules to a T, has a huge posse of superpretty boys and girls flanking her all the time, is Samus Aran's protegee. And I LOVE that reputation. I LOVE being thought of as the school good girl. To be honest, I don't understand why Mary Sues are supposed to be bad, 'cause I LOVE being what most would call a "Mary Sue." Unfortunately, I'm exactly the kind of easy target for Dark Samus. She LOVES girls like me. She thinks they taste SCRUMPTIOUS. And over the years, as high school goes on, it's as if it's a fight to finish just to get out of her gaze. I took to hiding in the corner or behind my binders, never talking, never making eye contact, all "Try getting me now!" Just about every kid in that school has probably gotten at least one detention sans me, who hasn't gotten one since exactly February 2006.

It's ruining. My life. I barely even have a life anymore..it's just constant fear. On Saturday, I'm free, but I keep thinking "Monday I'll have to go back." Sunday, "Tomorrow I'll have to go back." And the rest of the days it's constant fear, day and night, constant hysterical crying and breaking down at random intervals. I've been being a hostile bitch to everyone I know, even my guardians and attendants (the other day I hit Ashley Williams), and at one point I told a troll I used to ignore that I wished she would die. It is STRICTLY AGAINST MY MORAL CODE TO EVEN *THINK* THAT. But it's like I don't even have a moral code anymore. It's like I'm not even Aurora anymore...as if Aurora was already absorbed by her Dark Samus and this hostile brat who cries when she's not yelling at everyone and everything was put in her place.

So should I just face my Dark Samus and win my life back? Will facing her really get my life back, or will it all go to hell again if I do get caught by her? My school works so there is literally a 50-50 chance of gettng a detention, even if you don't do anything bad. Luckily, there is a 50-50 chance of being released to an alternate education program by my psychiatrist, but I just learned it is exactly that...50-50, and meanwhile my life is going down the toilet while I await possible rescue. I don't want that. I don't WANT to be a bitch to everyone I know, I don't WANT to put my grades down into the low Fs, I don't WANT to break down crying at random intervals. But I just don't know what to do about my "Dark Samus." Should I face it, and therefore leave myself perfectly vulnerable to it, or not? Should I just stop worrying about my "good girl" image being tarnished? (I know exactly what people would say if I got a detention..."AURORA got a DETENTION?!" and then all hell would break loose.)

I have lost track of my life and have resorted to wangsting about it on the Internet. What the heck do I do now

[DuMbAsS]

Well, I say you should face Dark Samus. As it's been said, the only thing we need to fear is fear itself. Rather redundant saying but nonetheless all the more important. You can't let fear rule your life. If you do, you'll end up in a worse situation. First and foremost is to get rid of the idea that if Aurora got detention everyone would turn their heads and gaze in awe. Good girls and boys get in trouble from time to time as well. This good girl image of you won't be turned into a bad girl if you got only one detention. It's like how the French and Indian War occured. It took many, many, many years of disagreement and fighting before war was declared. In that essence, it would take more than just one detention to ruin a good girl image. Sure some people are going to talk sh!t about it. Some people are going to think mean things. But that doesn't mean you aren't a good person anyways. So long as you keep being a good person it doesn't matter. Sure, what other people thinks about you is important, but it's more important that you know what you think of yourself. If you keep trying to make others think of you in a certain way, before you know it, you wouldn't be our Star (<-- Notice how I did that).

Anyways point is, face the fear and get rid of the Dark Samus.

[AuroraVirtuaFighter]

Mmm. Thanks. I know it's hard to give advice to someone who starts crying at the mention of the subject matter (yep, I was even crying and hyperventilating while reading the ADVICE, and earlier when I basically just screamed all this at Lightning, I was crying and hyperventilating while she was telling me it's not gonna hurt me) but thanks anyway. This isn't gonna take one day though, I don't think. It's just that I worked SO hard to be the person I am today, and the last time I got a detention, well, I WASN'T the person I am today (rather I was quite the little brat back then). I'm not entirely sure about this. I've just been kinda going insane this past week.

At the risk of adding a rant addendum, I still find the people who turn this into a joke or bother me about "wangsting" per se very distressing. >> Sort of having a "Does anyone really know who their friends are" moment. I'm glad there are plenty of people out there who actually take this seriously (ya'll included).

[DuMbAsS]

It's not a problem. Just take your time and ease yourself through it.

As for idiots who laugh at things like this, I've got only one thing to say. People should understand, when it gets serious, you have to get serious.

[AuroraVirtuaFighter]

Yeah. I think from now on when I need a serious moment like this I'm only gonna ask for advice either here or on my own site >> I give up on the other site where people are either all "Nobody cares" or "IT'S YOUR FAULT FOR NOT TRAINING UP A LEVEL 7874867467 WHITE MAGE" when I actually DON'T wanna talk about FF at the moment >> (Me not wanting to talk about FF means something is DESPERATELY wrong, lol)

[Xuro]

I thought you said you didn't care what other people thought? Clearly, this proves the earlier statement was false. Also, how do you "face" the concept and possibility of detention? Get a detention on purpose? Sometimes, the proper response to a stressful situation is "f#ck it". It just isn't worth destroying yourself over.

A "Mary Sue" is not simply a good person. A Mary Sue is a fictional, perfect, idolized person who has all their dreams come true. The key part there is the person is fake and doesn't exist. In the case of an actual person, they usually embellish their life to be much more glamorous than it actually is.

I'm sorry, but considering all your problems, I simply can't imagine you having a "huge posse". A large number of friends would make a valuable support system, and would not explain some of the problems in your life. Perhaps you embellished that part a little. I'm also interested to know why you described them as "super pretty" as if attractive people are more valuable to us than any other kind of person. They also appear to be "flanking" you, as if you're the center of attention. It all just seems improbable.

[tug31]

*insert gruff sounding general voice*

Sounds like every day is a battle/struggle on your own homefront that you keep losing ground on, due to retreating from the battle. Well soldier, retreating everytime the battlefield gets too hot isn't going to win the war your fighting. It's time to take the battlefield with your flag held high and start fighting back.

*off*

[AuroraVirtuaFighter]

Originally Posted by Xuro

I'm sorry, but considering all your problems, I simply can't imagine you having a "huge posse". A large number of friends would make a valuable support system, and would not explain some of the problems in your life. Perhaps you embellished that part a little. I'm also interested to know why you described them as "super pretty" as if attractive people are more valuable to us than any other kind of person. They also appear to be "flanking" you, as if you're the center of attention. It all just seems improbable.

81 is not huge????

I said superpretty 'cause that's my personal opinion as well as fans', considering they are videogame characters. xD I didn't say it to be all "PRETTY PEOPLE OWN YOU ALL," so sorry if you got that implication.

[Xuro]

My mistake, then.